My life since I last blogged

     


     It has been along time since I have updated this blog, and in that time I have been going to
college at ITT Tech  for computer networking. I am over half way through with my degree, and      
I have a 3.66 gpa and it will increase once the grades from this last quarter are posted.    
   
      Lauren is doing great, except for the fact that she is growing up way too fast. It is scary  she is not even 12 yet and according to her doctor  she has the body of a teenager (UGH!!) she is over 5 feet tall  and almost 100 pounds of solid muscle and boundless energy. It makes it hard on us , her mother especially. In church she is almost uncontrollable. She is so strong and stubborn, I know that having two very strong willed parents  doesn't help either, but Lauren wants what she wants and is bound and determined to get it.


        Amy and I are great also, we are learning to listen, understand, and step into our roles as husband and wife, parents and friends and most of all we are learning the art of compromise. It has taken almost 18 years of struggle, tears, anguish, and prayers to finally begin this new chapter in our lives, but you cannot make a diamond without pressure, or get  pure gold without turning up the heat. I know there will be more struggles ahead for us, but with God's help we will get through it together.

      I love both Amy and Lauren with all my heart and there is nothing I would not do for them, I know that is easy to say, but I will spend the rest of the time I have here on Earth proving it.

      I am not one to give unsolicited advice, but I admonish you to learn how to compromise with your spouse or loved ones and never miss an opportunity to tell them you love them.

                                                          Thank you,
                                                                 Don Parnell                
                           

A catlyst for violence and an excuse to blame someone.

                                                                         
                 I had to write this for my comp class. It is supposed to be an opinion piece on the George Zimmerman/ Trayvon Martin  incident. Read ,follow and tell me what you think.
 
                                    Thanks for reading,
                                              Don
  
                  

  Regardless of what side you’re on we all have an opinion about the Trayvon Martin incident. We all have formed that opinion based on who we listen to and where we get our news from. Good or bad we all have something to say on the matter. I think the rush to judgment before the facts were fully in writing was driven by some strange shadowy agenda that has not fully manifested itself yet.  I am not a conspiracy theorist in the slightest, but you have to wonder why a local killing in a small Florida town outside of Orlando was elevated to such a status that it warranted national news coverage. Since Trayvon was killed there hasn’t been a day that has passed that something hasn’t been said about it on the news or in the newspaper, blogs or in some commentary in one form or the other. The race issue was brought into it right away with some saying just hours after it happened that it was racially motivated and that George Zimmerman stalked him down and killed Trayvon in cold blood. Now I don’t know about that, but what I do know is that even though all this was going on a 17 year old boy was still dead and no amount of pandering and supposition was going to bring him back.

    Now as the trial on George Zimmerman winds down and his fate is put into the hands of the jury, there are rumblings of riots and violence if he is acquitted. I’d like to think that level heads will prevail in this situation, but I’m not so sure about that. Whatever happens no amount of violence and destruction is going to bring back that 17 year old boy, it will just make the protesters look like they just wanted an excuse to riot, beat, kill and create all sorts of havoc to the public at large. I have nothing against either of these people at the center of this controversy. What I do have a problem with is using this incident as a catalyst for civil unrest or violence for violence’s sake. It will do no good for anybody to riot. Not only will private property be destroyed but also people will get hurt or most likely killed in the ensuing melee. If that happens then the rioters are no better than what they think George Zimmerman did.

  I conclude with this thought, that we are all here on earth for just a fleeting moment in the face of eternity. Why don’t we just try and love our neighbors as much as we love ourselves and our kids for that matter.

I felt like writing something today

                      Writing for writing's sake

          Have you ever just felt like doing something that you enjoy doing but haven't done in awhile?  
That is what I felt doing today. I don't in which  direction this entry will go, but I will write it any way. There were things I promised my self I would not write about when I started this blog among them are politics and celebrities. But I am changing my views on the subject. 
     
       Both politicians and most celebrities are over paid elitists who wouldn't know how to live outside of Washington D.C. or Hollywood without assistants, an expense account and/or lobbyists telling them what to do. It angers me when the president can tell us to tighten our belts and shut down tours of the white house because they can't afford to pay the people to conduct those tours but still go on a 100 million dollar vacation to Africa at the tax payers expense. The Man is nothing but a hypocrite  and an elitist of the highest order.

      Paula Deen admitted to using racial slurs thirty years ago and all of her sponsors and business partners drop her like a hot potato, but Alec Baldwin can send out a tweet threatening violence and calling someone a "Toxic Queen" and you hear nothing from the same people who called for Paula Deen's destruction. What a bunch of lousy, ignorant, hyper sensitive ,hypocritical, politically correct, Judgmental, mental midgets. What is worse admitting to something that happened thirty years ago or getting caught red handed threatening to F someone up and calling  him a derogatory name less than a week ago? I'll let you decide.

   I know my views will not line up with some of your, but what is going on here? Has political correctness replaced common sense? 

     I must be " Old School" because I still believe there are consequences for our actions, accountability  for our deeds , and punishments for our wrong doing. I know I will catch some backlash for this but I am tired of seeing good people destroyed simply for the sake of political correctness and political expediency. Christians are attacked because of their stance on Gay marriage and are called homophobic and hateful and all manner of vile and disgusting things by the people who expound tolerance and love. I see Christians and conservatives (there is a difference) attack the left with the same vitriol as the left attacks the them. Does it do any good?  Does the name calling  and the verbal punches  accomplish anything? Maybe I am preaching to the converted or maybe I'm spitting in the wind. But there has got to be an Aha moment where we say to ourselves" Lets stop this and find some common ground and see if we can compromise" if not then it will remain the status quo and this country will divide along the lines of political and religious lines even more so than it already is.
 
             I'm done venting and I will say thank you for all who read this blog entry. May you find some inspiration in may words or at least think about them.


                                              Don Parnell

Puzzled

                                  Puzzled

 

The Pieces don’t fit

It is something I just don’t get

She is healthy and happy

And has a smile that melts my heart

I wish I had known from the very start

That my life would change

My world would be rearranged

 She is mine that can’t be denied

 But God help my stubborn pride

Living with this is hard enough

Without putting up with life’s stuff

She may never walk down the aisle

But that is O.K. as long as I can see that smile

She may never change the world

But it is alright she has changed mine

She may always be a little behind

As long as she remains extraordinarily kind

I may not have all the answers

Maybe because I am not asking the right questions

The pieces may not always fit

But you know I will always be O.K. with it

 

                              Don Parnell

                             Proud Parent of an Autistic Child

 

         I had a moment of inspiration and wrote this. Please tell me what you think.
       


    

Twists and turns of this roller coaster of a week.

             To say this week was surprising is an understatement. It started out ok. School was good finished my homework in class on Monday. Went to work on Tuesday it was an  o k  day. School Tuesday night was good I found out I have the highest grade in my computer class, a  98.8% .Yay Me. Wednesday was a very bad day it was raining to begin with ,I can't stand working in the rain, I was running behind a little and not really feeling like working anyway. It was alright day until I took this one delivery and was returning to my truck when I slipped off one of the steps leading to the sidewalk and could not regain my balance. I went flailing trying stop myself and hit the sidewalk with my knee while the rest of me landed in the grass and mud. My work pants have a hole in them now and the skin on my knee looks like hamburger, but it actually looks worse than it feels. Thursday was a very good day. My first run of the day I got a $35 tip and I worked for ten hours and made a hundred dollars WOO HOO!! Friday was a manic day in so much as it was a mixture of both good and bad .I got a $25 tip and I got wrote up . It has not been a very consistent  week for me.

     The new  manager came in this week in order to set up the store the so she can work more efficiently and to see who is going to be helping her get acclimated . I did not say much to her at first ,but she is a very hard worker and she is firm but fair type of boss. I explained to her my side of the story about my write up. She listened and said she would take care of it and we are starting out on a clean slate. I am going to keep my nose clean and do my job just like I always do and let the chips fall where they may. I have given my blood ,sweat, and tears and lost sleep over this job. I am not going to let an attitude ,mine or anybody else's, ruin what I have worked so hard  to overcome in myself. I had to reevaluate my work ethic and change my concept of why I work.  It is not to make a paycheck it is to provide for my family.



                         Just thought I'd share my week with you guys. Thanks for reading .

                                                Don Parnell

                                                                    

     I am back.....

     It has been almost 2 years since I have posted an entry on this blog. I  realized that some things are just to much for me to do and this is just one of those things.So I  will restart and only do this weekly and see how it goes.
  
         I have been  going to Itt-tech  and I have finally found a school that works for me with all my issues . I am making friends, I am also finally understanding algebra and other mathematical concepts I have never understood before. It is funny how at 41 I am just now being able to just get out of my way when it comes to social interaction and allow things to happen naturally instead of trying to force anything.

    Lauren is doing really well and is talking so well ,sometimes she just wont be quiet. But I guess she is making up for lost time. she was non-verbal up until she was 6 .

   Amy is also well. She is studying  to get her G E D and go to college .I am proud of her for doing this.
  
   I am  doing well at work. My bosses like  and trust me and I am up for a raise soon so I have that to look forward too .

     I hope you all are well and if you are new to this blog welcome and thank you for reading the musings of a typical man, father, husband with Asperger's .





    Thank you    Don Parnell

Catching up

 

It has been awhile since my last post ,sorry about that. The last couple of weeks have been hectic  taking care of some last minute details before going back to school and going to my nephew’s graduation and spending time with the family along with my mother coming to visit us in Dayton this past week.I realized how much fun family and friends can be along with a trip to the Columbus  zoo made this past week very good.I am exhausted with all the running around and just doing more than normal.

Lauren is learning new words and phrases over the past week or so .I found out that a lot more people read this thing than I originally  thought would.So I will try to post more often .I am going to pick up  my books for school on Monday . I excited and a little apprehensive about going back to school with me being forty and all but it is a lot than going back in my fifties.So this is short and sweet ,next time I hope it will be longer and more exciting.

                                                                                                                                      Thank you,

                                                                                                                                                    Don Parnell

To do or not to do

 

             It has been awhile since I have written a blog  and it seems I can not get away from it.I have been in a depressive funk lately and have not wanted to do anything.I am coming out of it and hopefully I will be writing more frequently.

       It is now time to quit living in the past and move on ,to stop allowing my past failures and shortcomings to define who I am and how I live my life.If I do not start to live in the present and plan for the future I will be dragged down by the past.I know it is easier said than done but nothing worthwhile is easy.I have a wife who loves me,a daughter who adores me,I am intelligent,kind,and able to do anything I set my mind and heart to do.I have so much to live for,I can no longer live the way I have been living.Fear is not an option.Can’t is hereby stricken from my vocabulary.I will write that book, I will get that degree,I will do,I will…….

 

                                                                                                                            Thank you,

                                                                                                                                                 Don Parnell

Clinical Depression and being Depressed

Being depressed and suffering from clinical depression are not the same .Feeling blue and sad is just a part of life sometimes, But Suffering depression is the worst .Not wanting to get out of bed ,take care of yourself or eat or  taking it out on those around you or all of the above.Every pain in your body is amplified , and be overtaken by sadness at the drop of a hat.The difference between being depressed and clinical depression is difference between having a hangnail and  having your toenail ripped off with a pair of pliers.One is a nuisance,the other is excruciatingly painful and it takes more than a couple of days and a pair of toenail clippers to get over.It takes medical attention and follow up care to make sure that it is healing right .Most people who has Asperger’s  are more apt to suffer a host of mental illnesses including depression.I suffer from it and I am finding it hard to get out of bed most days.I believe it is a combination of the anniversary  of my dad’s death,not having a job,and turning forty on the 30th of this month.There have been two other  debilitating  bouts of depression in the last three and a half years both lasting more than four months a piece.I know I can not let this happen again and I will fight to stop it no matter what.This is a quick post to let you know where I am at and to ask for your support and prayers through my journey. Thank you.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              God bless,

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Don Parnell

Seeing the wind (my struggle with faith)

    It has been 20  plus years since I became a believer and I still struggle with my faith,Having Asperger’s  does not make it any easier in fact it makes it harder to believe.I tend to take things too literal sometimes and struggle with the abstract. It is difficult to get past my own preconceived  ideas about how God should work in my life.In Hebrews chapter 11 verse 1 it says “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for ,the evidence of things not seen” Now I know that is hard for some including me to understand.I equate the latter part of the verse to the wind you can not see it, but you can see the effects of it ,the blowing leaves, the swaying branches and trees etc… The same goes for the works of God .I have seen and experienced things in my own life that can only be described as  miracles.Like the time I was little and  burned my eyeball on a hot light bulb and mom and dad took me to the salvation army people and they prayed for me and I was healed and I have not had any trouble from that eye since.Or the services I have been in and seen people confined to wheelchairs  get up and walk and there are many more instances I have seen happen,but yet I still struggle with it all.My mind tells me it was coincidence, but my heart and soul tells me it was God.It is hard for me to reconcile my mind and my soul .The rational mind versus the  faithful heart is the hardest to reconcile especially when it is a battle that takes place inside your soul.   

Celebrate his life or mourn his death?

     That is question on the anniversary of my father death.17 years ago today He passed into eternity .I want to take this time to remember everything he stood for and everything he taught me.Family,hard work,financial stewardship.He taught me that family comes first that no matter how hard you work to always leave time for family even if it is just time to say have a nice day before he was off to his.He taught the joys and rewards of hard work and sacrifice.He was sick all his life and wasn’t supposed to live past his teens, but with shear determination and will he proved the doctors wrong, then in  1979 they found a brain tumor the size of a baseball sitting on the front part of the brain they removed it  less than a year later he was back to working on cars,and driving tractor trailers again.In 1984 his kidneys failed and he went on dialysis,1989 my mom donated to my dad one of her kidneys.In  1993 they did surgery on him to relieve the pressure around his heart.He was clinically dead for a few minutes before they revived him.He said that Jesus showed him Heaven and told him it wasn’t his time yet.1994 they found spots on his lungs and by the time they went in to remove it it was too late,the cancer had already spread to his lymphatic system he died in his sleep  at home with family around him ,but through it all he did whatever it took to make sure the bills were paid and there was food on the table even if he went hungry.He did the best he could with the hand he was dealt .I love him and miss him,But I choose this day to mourn no more and to celebrate this man’s life and the lessons he taught me and the life he lived in front of me for almost 23 years.Thank you Dad!

Changing things around

 

Yesterday my wife and I spent about 5 hours moving her craft items from the spare room upstairs to under utilized space right off the kitchen and moving my stuff into the spare room where I could have some privacy and be able to concentrate on my blog and school when I go back in June.Now just to fair I hate change and would rather  have my life structured and organized, but as I wrote before  “Change is the inevitable consequence of living our lives”I do have a nice view of the backyard though and it is such a nice day that I opened up the window and let some fresh air in.  I also changed the name of my blog .I know it is not much to you, but to me this is a major undertaking. just more change and I hope these little changes will help me with the major changes to come.

                                                                                                          God Bless you,

                                                                                                                            Don Parnell           

Storm Debris waiting to be cleared.

 

     I was looking out my window facing the backyard and the limbs from the ice storm this past winter are still mostly where they fell during said storm, some broken and bent limbs still hanging on to the tree almost like they are saying I’m still part of you.Others are strewn on the ground and still others are in piles waiting for someone to pick it up and use for mulch or fire wood.The scene sparked a kernel of an idea,what if we allow the debris from the storms of the past to still be part of our psychological landscape, the damage of past relationships ,our past addictions,even grief that you been holding on to for years.Will those things clutter your thinking and your psyche so much that it would be hard to live and think without that psychological debris getting in the way?Think about if you do not clean up after a storm you will have rubbish laying in your yard attracting bugs,and snakes and it could damage your grass or other parts of your landscaping .Imagine what those hurts and pains of your past are doing to you not just to you psychologically part how you physically live your life.I do not know about you, but for me  it has caused me to live in fear .I never reached my fullest  potential because I was afraid ,not of success but of failing again, so I gave up on being more and making more of myself even though I knew I had more to give.

      I wanted to make this blog into my personal struggle with Asperger’s.I will try to write more about my day to day life in future blogs.

                                                                                                                      Thank you and God bless you,

                                                                                                                               Don Parnell

Thursday March 31,2011

As the month of March closes out I think about the changes March has brought to my life and I have come to one conclusion, change can be good or bad it is how we handle those changes that alter our personal perception. We can either kick or scream bloody murder against the changes in our lives or we can allow these changes to impact us in a positive way. If we constantly look at the negatives and not the positives then we will always be stuck in this little box of rigidity and not be willing to compromise. If we look at change as something new and exciting we can open up and be more willing to compromise .Just my humble opinion.

Change is the inevitable consequence of living our lives.

                                                                               Thank you and God bless,

                                                                                                           Don Parnell            

Wed March 30 2011

I got my application for college done and I just have to wait for May 1st before I can register for classes.

   School was never my strong suit ,the academics I was good at, it was the interacting with peers I had trouble with.Always saying the wrong things,never being able to read body language ,not knowing if the pretty girl in English class liked me or not etc...I was always in the principal`s office getting suspended for fighting or cussing out someone or skipping school because I was bored with it.Needless to say it was a lonely,scary,and confusing time for me.So on my sixteenth birthday I quit school and got my GED and have been floundering ever since.I would meet with any type of resistance and walk away not knowing how or if i could get through it.So I have a life full of regrets and unfinished business.I pray that I can see this school thing through because I deserve to have a good life. I just want to move on with my life.

       

Tuesday March 29,2011

It is a week away from the anniversary of my dad`s death.This  time of year is always bad for me ,I have gotten mad,sad,meloncholy,depressed and  all of the above in the past.I just can`t seem to past this time of year without some type of mood or attitude change.I am on a new medicine this year .I pray that it will be strong enough to get me through this time.

Living with myself has never been easy the outbursts of anger and times of self doubt and pity have plauged  me my entire life.Putting a label of Asperger`s does not change those things it just makes it easier to accept them and work through those feelings of inadequacy.

Today was an o.k. day.I finished my financial aid paper work and sent it off now all I have to do is contact the school and go from there.Wish me luck.

    Thank you and God bless you,
                                           Don Parnell

Monday March 28,2011

Growing up I was told that I could do anything I put my mind to,but to someone like me who learns more by the combination of all three learning styles it was only part of the story like trying to write a report on a book that you have only read the first 10 chapters of .It is hard to do with any degree of success.
  
  I had a terrible night`s sleep last night up early went back to bed slept late, lazed around most the day found it hard to do anything .I feel the depression coming on again and I want it not too.I love my family too much for them to suffer through this again.

  I will write more tomorrow.
                                 Thank you for reading.God bless you,
                                                                Don Parnell

Introductions and salutations.

  March 27,2011